You best believe that you can feel it is going to work out so well when you see it.
For 3 years, I had waited for that moment. Ever since the last breakup on an overcast Sunday, I had been overkilled. Completely lost trust in the system as it had failed me, I spiraled into a depth of the emotional depression.
Like a number of people with depression, I stayed sharp and steady on the outside, in contrast with a hollow space of dissonance which inhibits inside of me. On that Sunday morning, I had never felt so unsure and insecure. Having inquisitions and scrutinies into my bygone course of action, I was still under a heavy burden even after 2 years. Laughed off and joked on by my friends, I kept a straight face and just went with the flow. Or so they say, jokes on me.
I had tried to forget. In vain. Did not succeed. Because every time I almost on the verge of letting go, something might remind me of the past that had seared me thoroughly to the bone and left behind, not scars or marks, but a void hole. Just like when you try to speak a word, but it just gets to the tip of your tongue and never comes out audible. Irritating and frustrating. The feelings of having not been able to shake off an old tragic memory went from saddening to exasperating. I got almost to the point that I was overwhelmed by the helplessness that I would imagine the world where I did not exist. I went on the 2-year journey to find the miracle.
Two years passed away swiftly without any definitive signs.
For me, it is “3rd year’s the charm”. Pray. I was on hiatus when the rain poured down like a flash flood that would sweep everything away, even probably my chances. It was a morning and it seemed like an afternoon. Dark clouds came rolling across the horizon and danced on the skies – on my hopes. Hopes for the fateful meeting. I remembered the Bougainvillea (a flower whose petals have paper-like textures) blooming courageously, dangling in a heavy downpour yesterday, but remained undeterred and unswayed on that day. Quick thoughts of analogizing myself to the blossom, I was able to keep my calm, stop fretting, and head up at the revealing sun on the clearing skies.
「Komorebi」The Japanese equivalent for the scene of rays of sunlight dancing through the leaf layers on many trees in that area. The scene, when imagined in your consciousness, is a scene to be awed. You feel revitalized when you see it. I felt resuscitated when I saw her, making her way into the meeting chamber, catching my attention from the very start. You know you are blessed when you see it. Rays of sunlight from the clear window started to blast into the room, with refractions dancing off the floors, the ceilings, and all the objects in the room to reach to her. That moment I knew, somehow, I needed to make my approach.
We have found our miracles in life. And that took us long enough. No doubt, our road ahead would only be even longer till infinity.